I just got off the phone with a client. He had a trusted networking contact fail him with a referral, and he was understandably upset.
Of course he wanted to “have it out” with the person. I helped him to step back a bit from the situation so he could have a constructive conversation with his contact.
I’m sure you’ve been there. You refer someone you trust. And you hear back that something went wrong. When you hear it from your contact, that’s obviously the best way. That happened to me with my accountant. I referred him to someone who turned out to be unstable. The meeting blew up. John, my accountant, was on the phone with me immediately to let me know what happened and why.
That was the best way for him to handle it. I still have complete confidence in referring him.
My client’s contact didn’t handle it so well. He notified my client via email. Pretty impersonal. My client made it clear to me the relationship was well on the way to being blown.
I don’t know the details, and I don’t really care. But I advised him to have a frank conversation with his contact. Not a confrontational conversation, but a constructive one.
My client wanted to insist on a face to face conversation. Totally understandable, but I suggested phone might be better.
Why? Isn’t face to face the best way to handle a difficult situation? Not always. When a referral has gone bad, the normal response is to be angry and to want to get to the bottom of it. Getting to the bottom of something usually means having a chance to rant, rave and be angry. Which is far more satisfying in person.
But when this situation occurs, and it will, the best way to handle it is to first seek to understand the situation. The other person is (hopefully) embarrassed. Having a conversation by phone takes away some of the pressure of having to face the other person. It can reduce the defensive reaction, which can make it easier to get to the truth and resolve the problem.
And ultimately, that’s what you want. You need to hear both sides of the story. And then you make the best assessment what really happened. Neither side will be able to give you that. We always tell a story with a bias. It’s your job to sort it out as best you can.
In the end, you may decide not to refer the person again.That’s okay. Let him or her know that and why. You may decide to give the person another chance. Also okay. Again, communicate why.
If you seek to understand before being understood, you’ll make a better decision. And you’ll preserve the relationship. Burning a relationship through anger is never productive. I don’t care where you live. Your community is small enough that you’ll see the person again. And being able to meet that person without guilt, anger or other negative feelings will be best. For both of you. And for your reputation.
And in the end, the most important thing we have is our reputation. Having your reputation as “He’s always fair” is pretty good.
Anyone else have a story to tell about a referral gone bad? Feel free to share (or vent) in the comments.
Tags: communication, Referrals, Relationship building, reputation