“But that isn’t what I meant!”

How often have you said this to a colleague, employee or spouse?

Language is very flexible, and often that’s a good thing. Except when it isn’t. I’ve been training my dog to get her ready for competitive agility, and I’ve learned a lot about clear communication. Think about it. When you tell your dog to “sit,” do you both agree what that means? To you, it probably refers to the action of planting butt on the ground. But the dog might think it means “position myself in front of owner, looking up and plant butt.” It might not matter that you don’t have exactly the same idea. But if you need to handle your dog at a distance, that misunderstanding might cause a lot of frustration.

Obviously the same thing happens with person to person communication. You tell your kid to “pick up his room.” You have an image of what that means and a time frame in which you want it done. I guarantee your child has a very different image.

What I’m learning with my dog is to be very clear in my own mind what a command means before I give it. You can do the same in your communications. Oh, I’m not talking about casual conversation. There’s lots of room for misunderstanding there, and generally it’s easily fixed. But for the important messages, try thinking them through first.

What do you really want?
What are the exact conditions that will satisfy you?
How can you clearly (and concisely) communicate them?

Then try it out on yourself. Think about it for a moment. If you heard someone else say it, how would you take it? Does that match your expectation? If so, great. Off to it! If not, rework it.

Then when you actually say it, check for understanding. Perhaps have the other person repeat it back to you. Then make sure your expectations are met. If not, don’t automatically assume the other person “got it wrong.” Maybe you didn’t say it clearly enough.

It’s making a difference with my dog. She’ll sit in front of me, to my side or even across the room (most of the time). I’m less frustrated and so is she.

Imagine how much better your relationships will be if everyone understands.

Anyone have any communication stories to share? Or dog training tips?

Apologies for going a bit off topic here, but I feel I need to write about this.

I’ve been reading lots of articles lately on reading, books, tablets, dedicated e-readers and the like. Reading and reading devices seem to be a favorite thing to study these days.

I’ve read that we read faster (and slower) on electronic devices. We apparently don’t retain as much as when we read on paper. And tablets are supposedly so much of a distraction that we don’t read as long, as well or as much when we use a multi-function device for our reading.

You know what I say? I don’t think it matters. If you like the feel of a paper book in your hands, then read paper. No problem. If you like a dedicated e-book reader like a Kindle, then great. Use one. If you prefer a device that does multiple things, like a smartphone or a tablet, then use one.

Reading is an experience. Everyone will experience it differently. I like my tablet. I turn of WiFi when I want to curl up with a good book, so I don’t get distracted by emails, Facebook updates or the need to look things up on Wikipedia. I can do any of those things if I want, and sometimes I choose to. Sometimes I don’t.

It’s the same thing with networking and social media. Yes, there are certain principles you need to follow, but beyond that, it’s really about how you want to participate in and experience the interactions.

So don’t get too hung up on the latest studies, trends, fads or articles. Bloggers and journalists needs stuff to write about. Scientists needs stuff to study. I’m not saying ignore everything, but read with an open mind. If something makes sense, follow it. If it doesn’t, I wouldn’t worry too much about the latest study. It’s likely something will be published next week to contradict it anyway.