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Archive for January, 2010

Know When To Hold ‘Em. Know When To Fold ‘Em.

Friday, January 15th, 2010

Apologies to Kenny Rogers, but it does fit.

I was meeting with a friend last week, and he asked an excellent question. In a networking relationship, you need to expect to give before you receive. And he got that you often will give more than you receive. That said, some people are willing to take endlessly without giving back.

How do you recognize this and know when to end a relationship?

It’s a tricky question. The nature of business relationships dictates that some people are more able to help than others. Just because you haven’t yet gotten anything in return doesn’t always mean the relationship is something to abandon. My friend understands this and was looking for a concrete, non-subjective clue to know when it’s time.

Fortunately, the answer is easy. Does the other person ever ask how he or she can help you in return? Are conversations always about them? Or do they ask to learn about you?

The truth may be that the person in question can’t ever refer you. There could be a lot of reasons for that. But that doesn’t mean he or she can’t help you. As I’ve written about in this blog before, help can take many forms. Someone who is as committed to your success as you are to his will try to find a way.

And if he doesn’t? You can always offer suggestions. Ask for a specific referral. Or ask for access to a resource. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s something the other person can give and something that is useful to you.

The person still doesn’t take the hint? Then it’s time to move on to another relationship. It’s not an easy decision to make, but relationships that are exclusively one-sided are never healthy.

Anyone had to deal with this situation? Tell us about it in the comments.

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Tags: Giving, Networking, Referrals, Relationship building
Posted in Referrals | 2 Comments »

Social Media Link Etiquette

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

There’s a fair bit of stuff out there on linking etiquette, but I ran into something today that I haven’t seen written about.

My client was linking to articles on both Twitter and Facebook. A good thing to do. She was using a service that posts the link in both places simultaneously. Good time management. So what’s the problem, Juli? Why are you wasting my time with this post?

Because of an unintended consequence of the auto posting service. The tweet link was going to her Facebook page instead of directly to the article being linked to. And that’s a problem for a number of reasons.

1. I mostly see her links on Twitter. So to get to the article, I have to click two links. The link in the tweet and the link from her Facebook page. It doesn’t sound like much, but the more times we have to click, the less likely we are to do it.

2. It looked like she was promoting herself and not the person she was linking to. By making us stop on her Facebook page, it looked like she was using good content to trick us into stopping by her page.

Neither of those consequences were intentional. She thought she was saving time. It wasn’t until I pointed it out that she realized what was happening. She hadn’t realized the tweet link was going to her Facebook page. She had thought she was linking directly to the content.

The lesson here? Check your links. Make sure you are linking to what you intended. And link directly to the content you are promoting. That’s what generates good will in social media. (Not to mention inbound links for SEO.)

Saving time is good. But saving time can have unintended consequences. So know what you are doing and why. And always check the results.

By the way, my client is definitely not the only person I see doing this. I suggest that if you use a service that links your Twitter account and your Facebook page that you take a moment to check what it’s doing and that it’s doing what you want.

Until next time, link well!

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Tags: reputation, social media, time management
Posted in social media | 1 Comment »

To Collect or Not To Collect

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

That is the question. And I think the answer is obvious.

Networking is not about collecting the most contacts. I know someone who boasted that she had thousands of contacts in her Outlook database. She was connected to more than a thousand people on LinkedIn. She said she loved connecting people and went to lots of networking events each month where she met new people. Sounds like she must be a pretty good networker, right?

Well, here was the problem. She constantly complained that she had no clients. How can that be? She knew a lot of people. She connected them regularly. She went to events to continue to meet new people. How could she not have clients? With so many contacts, she should have had many people clamoring to work with her, or at least refer her.

Well, it turned out that she was a contact collector. She had met a lot of people and collected a lot of business cards, which she had entered in Outlook, and many of them had connected to her on LinkedIn. But she had a relationship with very few of them. It’s not enough to know a lot of people. You need to know a lot of people who know, like and trust you and know enough about you to refer you. And that was the piece she was lacking. The relationship.

At current count, I have 313 contacts in my phone, 247 people connected to me on LinkedIn, 85 friends on Facebook and 420 followers on Twitter. I know and have at least the beginnings of a relationship with the majority of them. I say the majority because I follow back almost everyone who follows me on Twitter, so many of them are…well, if you’re on Twitter, you know what I’m talking about.

Most of the people I have a relationship with are people I interact with on a somewhat regular basis. By knowing most of them well, I can refer them. Most of them know enough about me to refer me, and no one ever hears me complain that I don’t have any clients. But without the relationship, it would probably be a different story.

Yes, building a relationship involves work. Lots more work than scanning a business card into your contact management system. But relationship-building is also a lot of fun. I’ve learned so much from the people I know. I’ve helped them. They’ve helped me.

In life, it’s not the one who dies with the most contacts who wins. It’s the one who has the most people speaking, with love and respect, at his or her funeral.

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Tags: Networking, Relationship building, reputation
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4 More Things Not to Do On Social Media

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Rabiya Jilani (@BizIncubation), my first social media mentor, posted a couple of days ago on 5 Things Not To Do When It Comes to Social Media. I completely agreed with all of them (especially #2!) and am proud to say I do none of them.

I liked her list so much that I wanted to link to it and add a few social media pet peeves of my own.

1. Auto DMs when I follow you

Okay, I didn’t know any better when I first started in Twitter, and I thought they were cool. It didn’t take me long to figure out what they were, and now they annoy me. If you really want to DM every person who follows you on Twitter, personalize them. Will it take time? Yes. If you don’t want to take the time, I totally understand. (I don’t DM everyone who follows me.) But you aren’t impressing me with your auto-DM. It does not make me more likely to continue following you. Taking the time to personalize and begin building a relationship with me will impress and guarantee that I follow you closely (assuming you follow up with good stuff).

2. Respond when I DM you back!

If you must ignore #1 and set up that auto-DM, then for goodness sakes respond when I DM you back. I don’t have the time or inclination to respond to all of them, but every once in a while, someone has a cute, creative or interesting DM. I will respond to those. And if you ask a question in an auto-DM and I answer it, message me back!

3. “Get 1000 followers a day using this natural, proven method”

I don’t care. I don’t want to add 1000 followers a day. And I’ve yet to see a method that had any resemblance to “natural.”

4. Spam us with nothing but quotes

Quotes are okay. Some of them are even good. But I refuse to continue following someone whose Twitter stream or Facebook page is nothing but quotes by someone else. If you don’t have an original thought once in a while, don’t bother me.

Rabiya and I can’t be the only ones who have social media pet peeves. Share yours in the comments!

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Tags: communication, Relationship building, reputation, social media
Posted in social media | 3 Comments »

Don’t Do Anything You Really Don’t Like!

Monday, January 11th, 2010

This can be a dangerous piece of advice, so let me clarify. When you begin to make changes in your networking strategy, you are going to have to move out of your comfort zone. After all, if everything you are comfortable with is working well, there would be no need to change. Moving out of your comfort zone can be scary. It may mean doing things you don’t like. But as you get more comfortable with the new activities, you may find that the thing you hated at first ends up being a lot of fun.

For example, I used to hate evening networking mixers. I don’t drink alcohol, and the venues are often loud and crowded. But I needed to work them, if for no better reason than I needed to be able to advise my clients how to work them effectively. Hard to do if you’ve never done it yourself. So I forced myself out of my comfort zone and went to them. I did all the things I had advised my clients: set goals, talked to new people, etc. And guess what? They aren’t that bad. They still aren’t my most favorite or effective way to network, but I can do them. And I have made some very good connections at them. And I would have missed those great connections if I hadn’t talked myself into moving out of my comfort zone.

That said, I do them as little as possible. There are other ways of networking that I enjoy far more. And I pick the events that are most effective for me. I don’t just do them to do them because I “should.”

And it’s okay for you to do the same. Just because someone tells you “Hey, this is great. You should do it too” doesn’t mean you have to. Give it a fair try. If it works, continue it. If it doesn’t, stop. The minute networking becomes a “chore” is the minute you will give it up.

And that would be too bad. Networking is the best source of job security I have ever found. So stop worrying about the right or wrong way to do it. Do what works for you. Try something new every so often, but mostly just do it.

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Tags: Networking, Networking Groups
Posted in Networking Events | Comments Off

Act Like a Host, Not a Guest

Friday, January 8th, 2010

I see this advice frequently in books about networking, and it’s good advice. When at an event, you want to find how you can help the host, meet and greet people or in other small ways look for ways to make the event run smoothly.

I recently had an opportunity to practice this advice in a different way, and it reminded me that there are many ways to act like a host.

I have been asked to speak to a networking group later this month. So not only am I going to be a guest, I’m going to be a special guest. Of course I wanted to promote the event through my newsletter, so I emailed the host for all the particulars. She sent back everything but mentioned that her venue had fallen through. She was looking for a new place, and would I be available to go to DC or Maryland if that was where they ended up.

Okay, I admit it. Enlightened self-interest kicked in big time. I live in Northern Virginia. To get to either DC or Maryland at 6:30 in the evening is just asking to be stuck in rush hour traffic.

I emailed her back and said I knew of some possibilities (which just happened to be closer to me). Would she like me to check on them? Of course, she replied.

I asked for a bit more information (like the expected turnout) and sent off a couple of email requests. I was able to find her a room for the event, and she is in contact with that venue to work out the details. The extra cool part for me was the email I received in thanks, “Juli, I am hoping to be able to pay you something when you speak—though that is not the protocol—but I’m simply greatful for your help and flexibility!! Thank you!”

So my help elevated this event from an unpaid speaking engagement to a paid engagement for me. Everyone wins!

I’d say that counted as acting like a host instead of a guest.

Anyone else have any examples of times you acted as a host and how it worked out for you?

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Tags: Giving, Networking, Networking Events, Relationship building, reputation
Posted in Networking Events | 2 Comments »

How Not To Be a Social Media Expert

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

As 2009 drew to a close, I read a lot of tweets and articles on the growing number of social media “experts” cropping up. (By the way, a quick disclosure. While I do blog and coach people on the effective use of social media, I do not consider or market myself as an “expert.” I’m still learning, and I expect to continue learning for a long time.)

This topic even come up yesterday when I was meeting with a prospect, and we talked about some of the red flags I mention below. Obviously people have a lot of questions and concerns about how to hire someone to help them with social media.

So how do you check someone’s credentials? Last year, I had the opportunity to do some checking on a contact who said he worked with clients on social media, and I thought the story was worth sharing.

Before we met, I did some basic research on him. (We’ll call him Bob, not his real name.) I didn’t know too much at the time about social media, but even I recognized some red flags. I started with his website and subscribed to his blog. I liked some of what he was saying, and I started to post a comment to one of his posts. Huh? His blog was locked? I had to be a member of his site to comment? And I couldn’t find a way to register as a member. It was odd enough that I asked him about during our meeting.

And I didn’t like his answer. He was a fairly new blogger, and he was facing the new-blog-with-no-comments syndrome. (Yes, being new to blogging and marketing himself as a social media expert was another red flag.) His approach to dealing with the lack of comments was to lock them until the blog became more established.

Call me crazy, but I think he was setting himself up with a vicious cycle. Lock until the blog becomes established. But since it’s locked, no one can comment, so how will be know when it’s “safe” to unlock the blog?

I’m still facing the same situation with my blog. More than half of my posts are bare of comments. But I’m not worrying about it. As I continue to blog and promote my blog, the comments will come. Until then I have a couple of loyal followers who comment often enough that not every blog has “0 Comments.”

So far, not impressed with this so-called social media expert. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. So after I joined Twitter, I tracked down his handle and started following him. Wait. A “social media expert” who never tweets? Well, okay, maybe he’s a Facebook kind of guy? I track him down on Facebook and friend him. Hmm. As soon as he accepts, I get the message “Bob is new to Facebook. Why don’t you suggest some friends for him.”

Did I mention that he never followed me back on Twitter?

It’s a sad story, but all too common in the social media community. Lots of people want to cash in on the new phenomena, but they don’t use the tools themselves.

Before you hire a “social media expert,” check them out. If they don’t use the tools themselves, how do you expect them to help you use them?

Anyone want to share more red flags to watch for? I’d love to see some comments on this post.

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Tags: blogging, Relationship building, social media
Posted in social media | 3 Comments »

Top 8 Ways to Give to Your Network in 2010

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

It’s a brand new year and time to look at what you want to accomplish. I hope you took some time over the holidays to reflect on what happened in 2009 and to plan for 2010.

A good thing to think about now is what you can give to your network this year. Remember that networking is as much about giving as receiving, and you need to be willing to give back more than you expect to receive.

So what are the top 8 things you can give your network in 2010?

1. Referrals

These are always good. Nothing says you care as much as a referral. Make sure it is a real referral, i.e. that the person really does need the referred service and is interested in talking to someone about it. Follow up with both people, and you have some extra touches, which can help keep you top of mind.

2. A New Tag Line

Feeling creative and know someone whose tag line is in need of a face lift? Brainstorm and come up with a new one. Creating tag lines and keeping them fresh is hard. Doing the work for someone else will be appreciated and remembered for a long time. And everytime someone uses it, guess who will come to mind?

3. A Tip on a Great Piece of Tech

Know any gadget freaks? They love articles and links to cool new toys…I mean tools. They are especially happy to hear if you are using it and love it.

4. A Really Good Book

Have you read a good book lately? It can be fiction or non-fiction. If you have, send it on to others. Again, links to Amazon are easy. If it’s a particularly good friend or contact, buy a copy. But as ebooks become more popular, I suggest checking first to find out what format people prefer. For example, I hardly ever read paper books. But I can read almost any electronic format, and it’s what I like best.

5. A Dose of Cheer

Know someone who is going through a tough time? A cute card (electronic or otherwise) or a quick pick-me-up call can make a difference. If you have the time, the offer to meet for lunch or dinner just to chat is also good. But keep it light and personal.

6. Useful Information

I suggest you keep a list of topics people in your network are interested in. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just a list of topics with people’s names by them will work well. Then as you browse the Internet, magazines, etc, have that list handy. When you come across an item on the list, forward it to everyone who might be interested. It doesn’t take much of your time, and the information is always appreciated.

7. A New Market Idea

Are you entering a new market in 2010? If so, think about your network. Who else could benefit from that market? Perhaps you could share ideas and contacts. It can make your offering stronger and create a new partnership.

8. A Networking Event

Always my favorite. Did you try some new events last year? Even if they didn’t work out for you, there may be someone in your network who would benefit from them. And if they did work out, share the wealth. Taking someone to an event with you is a great way to stay in touch, and two people working an event get more than twice the benefit.

That’s my list. Anyone have ideas to bring my list up to 10? Please share them in the comments!

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Tags: Giving, Networking, Referrals, Relationship building, reputation
Posted in Networking | 2 Comments »

On Recovering From Mistakes

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Ironic that the biggest world-rocking I got last year from a book wasn’t from a self-help, professional or personal development book. It was from a lowly historical romance.

In it, a character made a dreadful mistake, one that got an important character killed. Another character asked him if he had thought he was making the right decision at the time. Yes, he had. Then he was told, “If you thought the decision was right but the outcome wasn’t what you expected, nothing is served by continuing to regret it.”

This resonated with me. A couple of years ago I made a dreadful business mistake. I certainly made it with the best of intentions and thought it was the right thing to do. But it went very badly. We are still paying for it and will be for many years to come. What I won’t be doing any more is beating myself up for making it. It’s been a needless waste of time and energy. It’s past time to move on and put my energy into the future.

I’ve been telling my clients for years that we learn best from our mistakes. I do believe it and have known all the way through this that I have learned so many things. I’m a better coach, a better spouse and a better business owner. But my pride kept me regretting the decision and wishing that I could have learned the lessons another way.

But life doesn’t work that way. Certainly we can learn from others’ mistakes. But sometimes there’s nothing like making them ourselves, learning from and living with the consequences. That’s when we really feel them and make the most progress.

So look back on last year. Did you make any mistakes? What, if anything did you learn from them? Are you still regretting the outcome?

If you made the decision with the best of intentions and learned from the experience, then I challenge you to stop regretting it. It’s a new year. Time to move forward, do great things. And yes, make more mistakes that you can learn from.

Wishing you a happy and profitable 2010!

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Posted in General | 3 Comments »

Archive for January, 2010

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