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Archive for September, 2009

Conquering Fear

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

This post will be a bit long and may seem off-topic. But bear with me. It actually has a lot to do with why people are less successful than they want to be, both in networking and in other endeavors.

I have had what I call “the fear conversation” with a large number of clients in the last month. Maybe it’s the time of year? It’s made me conclude that fear is the root cause of many, if not most, people being less successful than they want to be.

Fears can come in many shapes and sizes. Allow me to use mine as an illustration.

In the last year, I have struggled with two fears: fear of the sign store failing (it did) and fear of needing to go bankrupt to get out from under (I did not need to). With stubborn determination (and the help of a great coach) I have mostly conquered my fears. And it has been freeing in a way I can’t properly express. I’ve used my experience as a guide to helping my clients, and I hope what we’ve learned can help you.

Let me run quickly through a session with one of my clients to illustrate the process.

The session started with my client telling me “I need you to talk me down off the ledge.” I asked him some questions to narrow down why. He was feeling overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions. That told me he was still in the “nameless fear” stage. I asked a few more questions, and he finally got to a core fear. “I’m afraid I’m going to lose my house.” Now we had something to work with.

I asked him what would be the worst that would happen if he lost his house. He just looked at me. I tried a different question. “Would you really have no where to go? No one who would take you in until you could get back on your feet?” I watched him visibly relax as he thought it through and realized he would still have options.

And then he made a breakthrough. “Why am I so worried? I don’t want to draw from my IRA, but I could if it were the difference between saving and losing the house.”

He left the session in much better spirits. Why? Because he gave a name to his fear. Once your fear has a name, you can deal with it. It’s those nameless, formless fears that paralyze us. The other thing he discovered is that even the worst possible reality was manageable. When we define and honestly face a fear, it’s almost never as bad as we thought it would be.

What does this have to do with networking? Nothing directly. But indirectly I find that fear stops people from reaching out, making that extra call, going to that extra event or whatever activity is needed. Conquer the fear, and you eliminate a big roadblock.

So what do I recommend you do when you are overcome by fear? Exactly what I did with my client. Name the fear. Ask yourself what the worst possible outcome would be. And see if there are truly no options to deal with that possible outcome.

Until you are used to doing this, it can be very difficult to do yourself. So find a friend, and ask for help. Showing vulnerability is another common fear. Don’t let it get in your way.

Does anyone have a story to share about overcoming fear?

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Know Your Events

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

I was attending Capital Cabal last night. It’s a good event, and if you are in the greater Washington DC area, I highly recommend it.

Every time I attend this event, or others, I usually get the question, “Do you get a lot out of this event?” Well, unless it’s my first time at a particular event, I don’t tend to continue to go if I don’t get much out of it. But what I am looking to get out of an event depends.

For example, I attend the McLean Estate Planning Council most months. I don’t expect to get clients from it. That’s not why I go. But many of the people in my network want to connect with attorneys and financial planners. So I take people with me to the event, which allows me to introduce them, both to the event and to the people they want to meet.

First Friday Networking at the Women’s Business Center of Northern VA is another story. That is an excellent event for me to find clients and potential strategic partners, and that makes it my “can’t miss” event every month.

So always know your event and what you can expect to get out of it. Be open to some events being productive for reasons other than getting clients. Make your plans accordingly, and get more from your networking events.

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Tags: Networking Events, Networking Groups
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Facebook as Follow Up

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

Facebook recently updated their mobile app for the iPhone, and I’ve been using it for about a week now. It’s a good update and makes it even easier to keep up with my friends on the go. Which reminded me that I haven’t written anything about social media for a while.

Follow up is the part of networking that trips people up the most. Many of you have heard me say it. We meet someone new, decide we like each other and will definitely refer each other. Then six months later, nothing has happened. The main culprit for that is lack of follow up.

But what is follow up? At its core, it’s staying in touch with people and becoming a part of their personal (if appropriate) and professional lives. Remember that we refer people we know, like and trust. Follow up incorporates all three of those, and Facebook is an excellent tool for the liking part.

Why and how?

Mostly through status updates. If you’ve been on Facebook, you know what I’m talking about. Status updates are the running feed of what people are doing. They range from significant (my mom died yesterday) to frivolous (eating a ham sandwich now). They can be personal, like the previous examples, or professional. I often use my status updates to announce new clients and networking events I am attending.

A question I often get is “why do I care what other people are up to?” When I get that question, I know people are missing the “know, like and trust” part of follow up. We care because we are human beings, and we need to connect with people on a personal level. We like to share what is going on, and we want other people to respond to us.

But as we network more and more, it becomes harder to stay in touch in person. We get to a point where we have to do some of our staying in touch virtually. And that’s where Facebook can be a good tool. We can keep an eye on what people are doing, offer encouragement, and let them know what we are up to.

When you’ve told someone “way to go” when they landed a new client and offered condolences on a recent loss, you’ve moved well along the road to mutual liking, and that gets you closer to great referrals.

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Tags: iPhone, networking on the go, social media
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I Love Holidays!

Monday, September 7th, 2009

What are you doing looking for a post today? It’s Labor Day, and I’m not laboring. See you tomorrow with more networking tips.

And in case you were wondering, I wrote this last Friday.

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Get Involved!

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Many people join a networking group, Chamber of Commerce or some other organization and expect that referrals will happen as if by magic.

But it doesn’t work that way. You have to get involved to get something out of an organization. Being busy is good. But if you are too busy to volunteer, attend meetings, etc., how do we know you won’t be too busy to help our referrals?

Volunteering can help us see how you work. If I’ve been side by side with someone, organizing an event, membership drive, washing dishes, or whatever, I know a lot more about that person and how they respond to pressure than if I just meet over coffee.

You have to be seen to be remembered. And that’s one of the best reasons to show up to mixers and other meetings. I admit it. If I know several people in a particular profession, I tend to refer the one I’ve seen or talked to more recently. And I know I’m not alone in that. Showing up at mixers may mean you are the one seen last.

One last point. We can’t do everything, and most people in an organization understand that. So if you do volunteer for something, and then can’t make the commitment, say something. Don’t just keep on doing nothing and letting the organization down. Remember, we’re seeing how you work. If you can’t admit to us that you are swamped, how do we think you’ll treat our referrals?

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Tags: communication, Giving, Networking Groups, time management
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Who Do You Know Who?

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

This is a very powerful phrase to use when asking for a referral.

Why, you ask? The main reason is because it is an open-ended question. In other words, it can’t be answered with “yes” or “no.” Many people use “Do you know someone who?” This structure is not as effective because it is closed-ended (can be answered by “yes” or “no.”).

From the time we are small, we are trained to answer “no” to almost any question put to us. Usually we don’t even think consciously about it. So if someone asks “Do you know someone who?” your first answer is likely to be “no.” Understand that tendency in people and work with it, not against it. “Who do you know who?” almost forces us to think. “Hmm…who do I know who?” That automatic response is far more beneficial than “no.” The more vivid you are in your question, the more likely you are to get a response.

It does one more thing. Many people when asking for a referral say they want people “like you.” None of us like to be sold, but we don’t mind being invited. “Who do you know who” allows us to self-select. If you ask, for example, “Who do you know who needs promotional items at a great price?” and I just happen to need them, the question allows me to approach you with my need.

So, who do you know who needs to be reading this blog? Send them a link!

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Tags: communication, Elevator Speech, Referrals
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Archive for September, 2009

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